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What if I never find the job I dream of?
What if I won’t have the family I want?
What if I will never drive my own car?
What if I fail to everything I try to do?
What if I won’t travel the world?
What if a man will never love me?
What if this feeling I have that I am displaced never goes away?
What if….?
I turned all those questions around today. So what if I never live my love story? So what if all the dreams never come true? So what?! So what if I will never find my place here?
I know that God’s dreams WILL come true in my life, and that is all that matters. I don’t know what they are, they may be very different from what I expect, but that’s ok. Because God is preparing me for my very prepared place in His Kingdom. All the what ifs will end there, when I see His face.
Just fill me up with Your thoughts!
I am so tired of reading signs about guys! What did that look mean? What was he saying when he gave me that look? And his smile looked different today… And on and on, like a rollercoaster with no end. 
Actually it does end, when I find out the reading I did was wrong. When he starts dating someone else, or just tells me he doesn’t want more than friendship, or, like yesterday, I find out he doesn’t want to start a relationship with anyone, he’s fine the way he is for now.
Ok. So here I am, physically tired of reading the freakin’ signs. Decided to take a look at the big, shiny and more important signs that say: “You are in debt” or “You gained some weight” or “The girls need you for discipleship” or simply “DO WHAT COMES NEXT”.
That should be relaxing.
I took advantage of my mom’s short trip [she is coming back today later on] and enjoyed a whole day alone. I watched the last episode from Grey’s Anatomy, Batman Begins, The Dark Knight… Also, finally figured out a name for my new English blog, and celebrated the victory of actually being free to write, without the pressure of “a judging audience” 
And the day ended late, of course, as all parties do… with “The Made of Honor”… Had so much fun! Especially as God put some things in that movie especially for me:
- Tom is a 30-something bachelor, just like the man I have a crush on right now. It was very interesting to see how he acts and reacts when inlove.
- trying to make up a name for this blog, I read about palindrome words, and was surprised to find among the examples, the name Hannah… Well… her name in the movie is, of course, Hannah
- her dress for his father’s wedding… is TEAL 
- when he decides to tell her how he feels… he buys yellow roses There’s nothing like a bouquet of yellow roses, or just yellow flowers…
All-in-all, I had a great time, laughed loudly between 2 and 3 a.m., without anyone coming to ask me when I’m planning to sleep.
Movie Trailer:
Thank You!
Exactly five months ago I met someone. As I am single and wanting to start a family, I started praying for him, for a “we”, if it is God’s will. God used the first month to clearly establish my “job description”: wait, wait, and then… wait. Man is the initiator, you have to wait for him to do that.
Things started to happen, in a slow pace. But at the same time I started doing things… little things, to “give God a helping hand”. Of course, I got more emotional than spiritual as weeks passed, and this week, God finally said: “Enough of that, now stop, be still, be quiet and remember what your role is.”
Paul Washer also talks about this, in a video called “The Virtuous Woman”:
You were born to be a virtuous woman, a godly woman. And to take comfort, and to take joy and to find glory in the full manifestations of womanhood.
You are a queen on a throne. He is the one who has to seek you, to find you. Why do you want to run in the streets doing the same thing?…
Just let me be quiet and still inside Your courts, taking a deep breath of the royal air filled with Your presence. Thank You for these last 5 months.
